2023 in words, pictures, and movies
Read my other annual letters here.
I’m almost two years late writing this annual letter. Honestly, it was such a miserable year for my health that I was going to skip it and pretend it never happened. But I managed to emerge on the other side of it, so now I’m up for it.
January
The year started ominously, with one of our seemingly healthy budgies falling ill and dying very quickly, just seven days into the new year. This video was of him about three weeks before he died, showing off his spin moves.
And then it got worse. Our beloved 28-year-old cockatiel, Betty, who we were told wouldn’t live very long when we adopted her four years earlier, took a turn for the worse and died right on my lap. Betty was an incredibly special bird and was Eric’s COVID buddy, sitting on his shoulder (or lap) most days while he worked in his home office.
One of her endearing little quirks was that she would recognise “She Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC and get very excited whenever it played.
February
We had a nice snowstorm that made our yard look (even more) beautiful and was excellent for building a snowman.
On one of the snowy, icy days, we went to Multnomah Falls, which is the most popular tourist attraction in Oregon. But on this day, it was quite empty and just staggeringly beautiful.
March
The carnage of bird deaths continued with another budgie, Natasha. But here’s a fun video of Natasha doing what looks like a hazing ritual, riding around on the tail of one of our new birds, Coco.
To lighten the mood, I’ll share a video of my bird students learning target training. Usually, the best way to do training is 1-on-1, but our birds live in an aviary and don’t like to be separated from each other. And when I’m training one bird, everyone wants to join in! So, it’s a bit tricky to train birds that are all at different stages of their abilities. In this video, some of the birds can carry the block to the bowl, but others can only drop it into the bowl if it’s right next to them.
April
Installed solar panels and a battery system for the house. Although the solar panels will eventually pay for themselves, batteries are usually not worth it economically. However, they do provide backup power, which can be useful during a heat wave or wildfire smoke event, so we can continue to run air cleaners for the birds if the power is out. We also do get some fairly wicked ice storms in the winter, and although we’ve been fortunate, areas of Portland have been without power for many weeks after an ice storm.
May
An adorable couple of American Robins built a nest on our patio. We put a camera on them, and it was fun to watch them build the nest and raise a family.
June
Another one of our birds, Wendy, tragically and unexpectedly died with an egg trapped inside her. Humans lay tiny eggs, but birds lay really huge ones, especially relative to their body size, so when one doesn’t move properly, terrible things can happen. I’ll share a few videos, first of her taking a bath in the tiny water bowl.
She was doing really well with her training. This is her, on the left, dropping blocks into a bowl and getting a reward.
July
Looking back on this moment in time, this is when my health hit absolute rock bottom. The shit first hit the fan in November 2022 and just kept getting worse month by month. But this was also the moment when the first pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place. It would take another year to get there, but I wanted to take a moment to give credit to a few amazing people who helped me come back from the dead.
Dr Mark Horowitz, a psychiatrist in the UK, whose research I stumbled upon in a fit of desperation, to be honest. I was fortunate to be able to book a telehealth appointment with him. He was the first person who was able to link my situation to a withdrawal syndrome from antidepressants. Without that key insight, I would probably still be incapacitated today. (He has since co-written a book called The Maudsley Deprescribing Guidelines, which should be on the bookshelf of every prescriber.)
I started seeing a physical therapist, Jamie Cowan, not really convinced that it could help with pain of this magnitude. But Jamie was doggedly determined and really looked after the whole picture, caring about everything that was happening with me. When relapses left me in tears, she was confident there was light at the end of the tunnel. For nearly a year, I had twice-weekly visits and, believe it or not, did up to 2 1/2 hours of exercises a day, which eventually got me to the point where I could do some normal things again.
Dr David Ellis, who took on a very tough case and helped see it through to a diagnosis of something called small-fibre neuropathy. He also helped me get in with a psychiatrist who was willing to help me get off the prescription drug treadmill, Dr Jeff Levine.
Last but definitely not least, Eric Carlson, who stuck by me during this very dark period. I was not much fun to be around.
I’ll have one more important puzzle piece to add in September.
And now a photo update on our garden, about three years after lawn removal.
August
We had to put one of our birds to sleep in August. Amelia was a rescue bird that came to us with obvious ailments that finally caught up to her. She left behind her mate, Hazel.
I set up an Arlo camera outside next to our stream and caught a few fun videos of our neighbourhood birds, including this California Scrub Jay.
September
We adopted a new bird, Kyle, hoping to be a new mate for Hazel.
September was when the final piece of the puzzle took place. I started Ketamine therapy to see if it would help with my neurological issues and some associated severe anxiety. Although I was already starting to show some mild improvement in the previous few months, this was genuinely a turning point.
Looking back on it now, I can’t recommend it enough for anyone suffering from intractable depression, anxiety, or nervous system disorders. I did about 15 sessions of injected Ketamine over the next couple of years, administered by a doctor and guided by a therapist at Rainfall Medicine in Portland. Completely safe, utterly amazing, and worth every penny. Insurance may vary, but the therapist cost, which is more than half the total cost, was covered for me.
I thought I’d share the crazy wallpaper in the building that houses Rainfall Medicine. It was a perfect setting.
October
Our neighbourhood gets pretty serious about Halloween!
We’ve been gradually adding to our Halloween display every year, and this year we bought these metal bats, strung them up, and put some spooky lighting on them. It came out amazingly well.
November
Went to a really amazing Charlie Cunningham concert at the Old Church in Portland, a ridiculously mellow, quiet affair that was in the perfect setting. I was only a casual fan, but this concert turned me into a megafan. After being stuck in the house for much of the year and not able to attend events like this, it was an important milestone.
December
I’d love to end the year on a good note, but our beloved cats, Milo and Reggie, both took a steep decline after not having a great year. We had to put them both to sleep right before Christmas. They were brothers from the same litter and would’ve hit 20 years old by the next February.
Made another trip to Multnomah Falls on a misty day when it was less busy than usual. The nice thing about being 30 mins away is we can pop over there on a “bad” weather day and beat the crowds.
I’ll end the year with this wonderful twisty hallway that went from the room where I received Ketamine therapy down to the bathroom. A couple of times, I had to go to the bathroom while deeply hallucinating, and that was… memorable.
This was a year of twisty pathways that ended much better than it started, but I still had a ways to go.
Read my other annual letters here.